........... As soon as l reached home that night l rushed to the fridge. l took three fresh oranges and started peeling them. Carefully slicing the juicy, while separating the seeds away l began transferring it nicely into the mixer. Adding some ice cubes and honey syrup, l started the machine. Mmmmm, nice smell and beautiful to look at. Salivary me.
‘don't you want some, darling?’, l asked while turning to look behind me. You are dreaming! As if someone is faithful enough. Hehehe. l was laughing at myself. Really, l was laughing. Believe me. l was still laughing long after that. Why don't l stop this?, l shouted at myself. Tears started to fall on my hands. Hey! What’s this?, l asked myself, still laughingly. It surprised me to realize that l was eventually crying my heart out. That l was keeping the pain and the sorrow while l walked myself home for five kilometers, in the darkness of the wet monsoon night. A feeling of serious rejection was there. O, that why l was so sad. The rejection. Ya, the sadness. Only then l began to feel the freezing and the heating effects of a real disappointment crawling mischievously in my chest. It was just starting to squeeze my heart.
That’s how sad l was. Extreme sadness, it really was. It effected me silently; unknowingly disabling the instinct to differentiate laughter and weeping. .................
( an extract from a short story, ‘My Beloved’, Abdillah SM – 1996 )
'My favourite sentence... 'A feeling of rejection was there.'
ReplyDeletereally? just forget it. find someone who cares. bukankah hidup kita, kita harus bahagia!
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